Getting Your Body Language Working For You
In my last column, we explored various body language messages that women send to men to show attraction and convey interest. This week we'll look at what kind of positive body language you can use to maximize your attractiveness to women.
Your body language conveys a clear message about what kind of a man you are. The trick is to portray confidence and find the balance between aggressiveness and timidity. Without that balance she will either be put off by your lack of finesse, or unaware that you are interested at all.
When it comes down to it, the best body language you can convey is that of an alpha-male. Contrary to what you might think, an alpha-male is not necessarily the biggest, baddest, strongest male in the room. In reality, alpha-males possess subtler qualities that appeal to women; such as confidence, health of body and mind and leadership qualities. An alpha-male is respected, trusted and well-liked. So how do you project these alpha-male qualities?
- Confident Posture and Gait
Women love confidence in a man. Stand tall with good posture. Hold your head up and back (don't hold it so far back that people are looking up your nose!). Pull back your shoulders and arch your back a bit. When you walk, don't make any unnecessary body or head motions. Walk with a good posture and don't rush. Avoid any extraneous body movements such as drumming your fingers, tapping your foot or jiggling your leg when sitting or standing. Good posture and a confident walk convey authority and self-control. It gives the impression that you are a man who knows who he is and where he is going.
- Move Deliberately and Be Relaxed
Any time you are moving or find you must move while sitting or standing, then move with slow, deliberate motions. No extra tics, jerking, fidgeting or rushing around. Moving in a deliberate way shows that you are in control of your body and conveys that you are comfortable in your skin. Women find a man who's in control of his body very sexy and appealing. Do not appear to be closed off. Be open and comfortable. Move with calculation and intent. At the same time, don't appear too stiff or unnatural. Keep your face and your body relaxed and calm.
- Establish Your Territory
Confident men are not afraid to claim their space. Don't be an ass about it, but be sure to establish your territory whenever you are in a location for some time. If you're at the bar, place your drink there or maybe keys, coins, lighter or whatever you have. You are declaring that you are here and this is your space and that you are comfortable. Don't close up and pull into yourself like you're trying to disappear. Sit or stand with your head up and shoulders back and with your legs a bit apart (a little bit less then shoulder width) in a relaxed manner. Don't hold anything in front of your body as it can appear to be a barrier you are hiding behind.
- Tone of Voice
A weak, squeaky voice is a turn-off for most women. Learn to speak in deeper tones. A voice speaking low and slow commands more respect than a high, squeaky voice. Women tend to be attracted to deeper voice tones as it indicates a strong presence of testosterone (think Barry White and how his voice makes women's toes curl). Speak from down in your chest and stomach and add more bass to your voice tones. Slow down your speech. Speak deliberately and don't rush your words. Rushing can cause people to believe you are nervous. Learn to pause occasionally to create a bit of anticipation. But don't speak so slowly that women lose interest!
Find a balance between chattering like some kind of crazed squirrel and talking so slowly that she questions your intellect. Speak with confidence and assertiveness, but don't be overly aggressive either. Pronounce your words correctly and clearly, use good diction and expand your vocabulary. This shows that you are intelligent, interesting and educated. But don't talk down to people. No one wants to listen to a bore who thinks he knows everything. Take into account your surroundings. A confident voice in a boardroom is different from a confident voice in a club.
- Eye Contact
Never underestimate the power of eye contact. Eye contact, done correctly, displays your interest in her and your confidence in yourself. A person who can't seem to maintain eye contact can be perceived as weak, shifty and untrustworthy - and not interested, even if he really is. Always scan a room with confidence and a casual attitude when entering and after establishing your "territory."
Try to hold eye contact for longer than the woman you are attracted to. This shows that you are not intimidated and can actually send a sexual chill down her spine if she is attracted to you. DO NOT look away first. Watch her eye movements. If she holds eye contact for a second or two longer, looks down and then looks back at you, it's a good sign. If she looks away to the left or right, your chances aren't as good. If you find that she does not break eye contact, then she's either very interested in what you're saying, she's trying to intimidate you or she's very sexually aggressive!
But be careful! Don't stare unblinking at her with your eyes open really wide. A stalker-stare will not endear you to any woman and she's more likely to call 911 then to feel any attraction to you at all. You don't want her to feel threatened or creeped out.
Practice these five body language tips, and I guarantee that you will make a better impression not only with women, but in any social situation you may find yourself in. Don't change who you are, but incorporate these tips into your everyday repertoire. And don't be too concerned about being perfect. No one wants someone who is always perfect and never cracks. Small mis-steps can be endearing and make you human.
Remember that the core lesson to be learnt here is confidence. Women are very attracted to confident and self-assured men. However, confidence does not mean being an asshole. Be assertive and confident, but don't be a jerk. If done correctly, confident men appear comfortable, assured and don't need validation from others as to their worth.
Confident men are respected and looked up to. Confident men are both calming to women's stresses and stimulating to women's bodies and minds. So ramp up your confidence, utilize these tips and feel good within yourself.
10 Body Language Signals That Show She's Interested
The Mating Dance: The Eyes Have It
Why Nice Guys Don't Get Laid