Week 21 - Spare Part Blues I received a letter recently from a fellow tool-stretcher out California way who was asking if I knew where he might get another length of silicone tubing. Astute readers may recall that I've dealt with this topic before, but perhaps it's worth revisiting. The problem with the silicone tube is that over time it breaks down and begins to pop out of the notches that hold it in place. When this happens, the tension on the tube causes it to pull back and slacken. Before you know it, your penis slips out and the whole device comes crashing to the floor with such a clatter that everybody turns to look. It's a problem and my big beef back then was with the expense of the replacement parts. At the time, an extra length of tube was available for US$20, which I thought was egregious. I've checked again and said part is now available for US$15. Still egregious, but not quite as egregious. Call it egregious-lite.
Of course, the shipping charges are outrageous; US$22 to ship something that weighs less than an ounce. But on the plus side, you can order multiple items for the same shipping charge. So maybe you can get together with your friends, order a dozen and throw a dick stretcher party.
Now, I had hoped there might be an alternative to this gouging. Silicone tubing is ubiquitous. It's available at various medical supply stores and, of course, from wholesale distributors. But here's the catch - it's almost impossible to find stock tubing in dick-stretcher dimensions. The outside diameter (OD, for people in the know) is 5/16 inch and unfortunately most stock items skip the sixteenth sizes. The inside diameter (ID for people in the know) is 1/16 inch, which is almost unheard of. I had to go through four tubing manufacturers to find one that even made it in this size. The guy at the order desk asked, "What the heck are you using it for?" I lied and told him it was for an art project.
So, yes, you can buy it, but they'll have to do a special run. And for that they want a 2000 ft minimum order at $1.50 per foot. Now even if you're a really dedicated dick-stretcher you're not going to go through 2000 silicone tubes. Even if you got together with your whole fraternity, you're not likely to recoup your cost. But here is a thought. This stuff sells for $1.50/ ft. They're currently selling it for $15/ft. That's a 90 percent mark-up! Even if you charged half that, you'd still make a killing if the demand was high enough. I'd do it myself but I'm more the one-percent-inspiration type of businessman. But if anyone out there has $3000 in seed money and a hankering for an easy profit, drop me a line and I'll make the pitch.
For those who don't want to buy a replacement silicone tube, here are some tips:
- Only wash the section that is in contact with your dick. Washing, especially in warm soapy water makes the silicone more pliable and likely to pop out.
- Keep the silicone tube cool. I've noticed since the onset of winter that my tubing is much better behaved.
- Buy a small but wide elastic band. Not too small - it doesn't take much pressure to keep the tubing in place.
I hope that helps, drop us a line if you have any tips of your own that you'd like to share.
Week 22 - The Thigh Slapper
My dick is getting bigger. I know, I've said it before, so it's not news. And I'm still four weeks away from the second Quarterly State of the Penis Report, when I'll provide a detailed quantitative appraisal. But I just caught a glimpse of myself naked and I had a flashback of the envy I'd feel when I saw men strutting around with their medium-to-large dicks. Don't get me wrong. I'd be stretching the truth if I said I had a thigh slapper, but it's no longer small.
Now I should state for the record that my dick, when erect, has always been pretty average. Six inches, if you must know, which while on the leeward side of the bell-curve, was close enough to the node that nobody would think to chortle. But when it deflated it would collapse like a neutron star. It would shrink so much that it would actually start to stiffen. I spent my whole non-erect life looking like I just stepped out of a cold shower. Anyone looking at my dick in its flaccid state would assume I was 4 inches erect. For my whole post-adolescent life I would feel acute anxiety if I was to be naked in public. In locker rooms I would change in the corner. I would turn down invitations to relax in the sauna with the big boys. When I was with a woman for the first time I made sure she saw me erect before she saw me flaccid. For me, The Full Monty was a horror flick.
Now, for the first the first time in my life, my dick looks like any other dick. It hangs below my balls. It sways when I walk. I actually have to pull it out to pee, instead of just opening my fly. It feels different in my pants. I've had to choose a side to dress on (I wear it to the left, if you must know). When I sit, I feel it nestled in my crotch instead of poking against the zipper. Yes, these are little things, vastly unimportant in the grand scheme, but they've made a HUGE difference to the way I feel. A low-level anxiety that had dogged me for my entire life has evaporated, and it feels great. I don't know if my erect penis is substantially bigger. My wife hasn't noticed a difference. It's still two fistfuls plus a purple head. But my flaccid dick hangs there full and plump and unashamed. For this alone, the last 22 weeks have been worth it.
Catch-up with the other episodes in Paul's Extender Experience.
