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1 April 2002 The first application for the new penis microchip is what scientists at Yoshimoto have christened the "Stiffy Stopper" chip. The Stiffy Stopper microchip is configured to detect changes in the level of nitric oxide in the penis. Nitric oxide is present in the penis during sexual arousal and indicates an erection is in progress. Once a certain level of nitric oxide is detected the chip will send an text message to whichever cellular telephone number has been pre-programmed into it. "The Stiffy Stopper is a fantastic innovation and we believe it will save many marriages", said Doctor Andrew Fule of Yoshimoto. "We have designed the chip to be sensitive to only adulterous erection states. Erections that happen through looking at girly magazines or whilst the subject is asleep will not set it off. This is a key advance which puts the "Stiffy Stopper" years ahead of the competition." Dr Fule said the Stiffy Stopper would be available from all good penis accessory stores from April 1st.
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Any private detective will tell you that adultery is big business. In fact, economists say that the illicit sexual relationship market is believed to be worth over US$12B annually. In an attempt to capture some of this lucrative market, scientists at Yoshimoto Electronics in Osaka have announced that they have developed an implantable microchip that could potentially save millions of marriages. The chip is effectively a tiny GSM SMS message device that under certain circumstances can transmit information to a normal cellular phone. The tiny chip is embedded in the base of the penis in what scientists at Yoshimoto claim is only a ten minute procedure that can be carried out by any doctor in only ten minutes.|
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