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Bottoms Up

Heterosexual anal sex. It's exciting and naughty but one bad experience can ruin it for a woman. That's what happened to me, but I decided it was time to try again. After all, I've always wanted to be one of the "lucky" ones; the women who say anal sex is amazing and that it delivers wildly exciting orgasms. So this time round I decided to do a bit of research beforehand into the techniques and tricks that can really make it enjoyable.

For men, it may seem cut and dried. Some lube, you go in and out a few times and et voila. For women, it goes WAY beyond that. Listen up: It's painful. Some women will tell you that the pain is unbearable. It can bring on cold sweats, lightheadedness, shaking, nausea and abdominal agony. Sadly, for some women, the first time is the last because of this. So, what can you do to ease the way for a pleasurable anal experience for both of you?

First off, it's best to get her used to the idea of anal play. Don't insist on penetration of any kind immediately. Rubbing around the anus and licking it (rimming) can be a very pleasurable experience for the receiver. If she associates anal play with pleasure, she is more likely to want to try forging into new territory.

Once she decides she may want to try more, it's essential that she is both relaxed and turned on. If she's tense or nervous, it's not going to happen. If she's not turned on, it's not going to happen. Don't EVER force her into trying it. She has to be willing. As mentioned in my other articles, anticipation is the key to a woman's sexuality. Tease and then tease her some more. Turn her on so she's aching for you to touch her, so her body is throbbing with sexual energy. By doing this, she'll be better ready to accept you into her backdoor.

It's best to start small with penetration. A finger or a butt plug can go a long way towards getting her accustomed to the feeling of penetration. For me, it's getting past the feeling that what's going in needs to be pushed out. By working up in size, she can get used to the feeling in stages, instead of all at once.

When she is ready to try your penis, it's a good idea to have a condom on hand. The anal wall is very thin and infection (not just from STDs) can happen easily. There is also the fact that many women do not like a bottom full of semen. Condoms can also protect your penis from any stray fecal matter.

When it's time to enter, don't ram it home and expect her to like it. Lubrication is essential and you need plenty of it as there is no natural lubrication there. Silicone based lubricant is best as it lasts longer but water based is OK too. Don't use Vaseline. It's sticky and uncomfortable.

Be aware that there are two sphincter muscles in the anus. The external muscle can be controlled at will, but not the internal muscle. Even if she is really relaxed and feels she's ready, her internal muscle may not cooperate. You both need to take your time and experiment with different positions Give her time to learn how to relax and let her set the pace. Try entering just a little bit and then pulling back out. Go slowly and be patient. This isn't a race, so take care not to go too fast. Let her decide how far and fast she's willing to go. She may even want to guide your penis in herself.

If there are difficulties, don't get frustrated. Realize that you can come back to it another time. Maybe she needs some more sexual touching and play. She may have tensed up in anticipation of penetration. That can happen, so keep it light and fun. Don't make it into a must-do-it-right-now quest. If she feels pressured to keep going when her body and mind don't feel ready, it may turn her off from trying again for a very long time - if ever. A little bit of patience and understanding goes a long way.

Many women report amazing orgasms from the combination of anal sex and clitoral stimulation. Encourage her to use a vibrator to stimulate her clit, or use your fingers to stimulate her there. A woman's skin is very sensitive and your hands caressing her body elsewhere will help to keep her in a heightened state of arousal. But always touch her with intent. Don't just do it just because you think you should. Touch her because you want to. Notice how her skin feels, pay attention to her reactions, touch her with desire in your hands.

Something not always considered is that a good, healthy diet can contribute to a better anal sex experience. Regular bowel movements will help increase both comfort and confidence (though I wouldn't recommend a lot of fiber a few hours before engaging in anal sex!). It will also help ease her fears about creating a mess. The thought of a "slip-up" will cause more then a few women to pause at the thought of anal sex. Also keep in mind that anything that touches or goes into the anus - whether it's a finger, toy or dick - should not then go into the vagina. Wash up when switching from the back to the front. Some handy wet wipes within reach can help.

Finally, here's something to consider. Heterosexual men tend to think of anal sex as "her receiving." A good way for you to understand what it's like is to let her penetrate you. Does that make you nervous? Well, it shouldn't. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. You may find pleasurable new experiences for yourself!

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